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7 Reasons Why People Kiss with Their Eyes Closed

Why do people close their eyes when they kiss?

Who invented this custom? When you don’t keep your eyes closed you’re violating a sacred principle. It’s like eating cereal with your hands when nobody’s around. Nobody sees you, but you still feel weird and like you’re violating the natural order.

If you need a reason to keep your eyes closed while kissing, here are seven top reasons, according to a poll taken outside Rockefeller Center by sexologist Diane DeLay, PhD, as part of the research for her upcoming book, “Love Me Like We’re Bunnies”:

Reasons why people kiss with their eyes closed:

  1. You wouldn’t want to see what you look like while kissing, so neither would your partner;
  2. Your brain can’t make your tongue swirl around if your eyes are moving at the same time. It’s the same principle as trying to pat your head while using your other hand to go in circles over your belly;
  3. It’s weird enough to kiss with your eyes open, but even weirder to make moaning sounds;
  4. It’s bad for your eyeballs to look that close at anything;
  5. For females, it ruins everything if you’re fantasizing about Brad Pitt when you’re staring at something closer to Steve Buscemi;
  6. For males, if you’re kissing in the middle of intercourse, with your eyes closed it’s easier to imagine baseball;
  7. With your eyes open, your lover’s nose looks bigger than the Chrysler Building

One Kiss, Good Knight

knight-kissesIn the Dark Ages, it was a common practice for knights to kiss one another before going into battle. The question arises: How dark were the dark ages if knights were going around kissing one another in a foreign land while their hot-to-go maidens were waiting alone back in the castle?

Thanks to Medieval scholar, Ernest Lee, PhD, Oxford, we have this artifact translated from the original early English between two knights on the battlefield of Turkey on the way to the Holy Land;

Sir Reginald: Ah, my good friend, Gwain, is it I see thee or but a shadow? War makes me weary thus.

Sir Gwain: My friend as well, Reginald, I see thee indeed. Tis no watery vision.

Sir Reginald: I see you have been to the Holy Land. What was it like?

Sir Gwain: I stabbed a bunch of people and have a saddlebag full of trophies. It was fun until my right arm was cut off.

Sir Reginald: Kiss me good luck, then, as I am on my way.

Sir Gwain: Okay, but if you tell anybody I’ll have to deny it.

Sir Reginald: Fair enough.

Sir Gwain: And no tongues!

cartoon by Josh Shayne

A Poet’s New Year’s Eve Advice

“The only way to spend New Year’s Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.”
— W.H. Auden

Origin of the New Year’s Kiss

new-year-kissWhere did the tradition of kissing on New Year’s come from? Historians date this practice back to the Ancient Romans who would throw a big party every New Year’s Eve called the Festival of Saturnalia where they would kiss and generally debauch one another as much as possible.

Later on, the English and Germans would celebrate by kissing the first person they met when the bells rang twelve o’clock. Europeans have also traditionally held masked balls on New Year’s Eve for hundreds of years. In these traditions, the mask symbolizes evil spirits from the old year and the kiss (after removing the mask) is an act of purification.

There is also a superstitious element to it — supposedly kissing those closest to you at the stroke of midnight will strengthen the bonds of your relationship in the year to come.

Tradition and superstition aside, don’t waste your New Year’s kiss. It is one of our most life-affirming pleasures and only comes around so many times. Tonight, use it as an excuse to grab hold of someone you love, someone you’ve had a crush on for ages, or someone who is standing by the drinks table with nice lips. Throw some confetti in the air, grab them round the waist, lean them back and kiss them with everything you’ve got.

Happy New Year!

photo: ekai

    Couples Take Prep Course for New Year’s Kiss

    Americans are Prep Course Crazy!

    With the abundance of test prep being done nationwide for the SAT, LSAT, ACT, MCAT, GMAT and HAZMAT, is it any surprise that couples are taking a prep course for their New Year’s kiss this year?

    You do only get one shot at your midnight kiss after all. (Though I still contend that like the LSATs, a weighted average of past kisses should factor in to the final score, but I don’t make the rules.)

    Today 50 New York City couples are meeting up in Times Square for a massive make-out practice session. Organizers are hoping that New Year’s will be the world’s biggest group kiss and claim that it could potentially be the longest in history.

    “That is up for debate”, says the Fox News Team. “We’ve been working hard to kiss-up to the Bush Administration without a break for over 8 years now.”

    Kissing expert Andrea Demirjian, author of the book “Kissing — Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About One of Life’s Sweetest Pleasures,” will be on hand to help guide the couples as they practice for the lip-lockdown to take place when the famous Waterford crystal ball drops in Times Square on Dec. 31.

    Photo: Walmink

    Recipe: Killing Me with Chocolate Kisses

    If you salivate at the thought of chocolate Kisses perfectly melded with Macadamia nuts – then read on

    . This recipe is not for weight watchers, and may even put you in a coma, but if you believe you only go around once, what a way to die! Maybe for safety’s sake, it’s best to eat a couple while on an exercise bike then immediately give the rest away to friends.

    Prep Time: 20 minutes

    Cook Time: 12 minutes

    Read more >

    Kiss Like an Egyptian

    The upper class of ancient Egyptian women wore lipstick. The Turin papyrus, a kind of Egyptian Kamasutra, shows a woman painting her lips with a brush. The famous bust of Nefertiti sports some luscious lips, painted a lusty red.

    Of course, along the Nile they were fresh out of L’Oreal, so Egyptian ladies painted their lips with a brush. Lipstick was made of substances that today we know are deadly poisonous. One of the main ingredients was a mercury compound.

    Did the Egyptians make up to make out? Four thousand years ago men and women were driven by the same desires as today. When they were in their youth they worked to seduce, and as they aged they wanted to look younger. It is probable that Egyptians wore makeup to attract the opposite sex, though the use of cosmetics was a privilege usually limited to the upper-classes and royalty.

    Dutch Coffeeshop Encourages Flirtation with WiFi

    cute-girl-coffeeOur headline is partially true. In an effort to attract more wi-fi freeloading students, CoffeeCompany in Holland changed it’s WiFi menu to reflect items from the cafe’s actual menu as well as directives to customers.

    Some wifi menu items include: “Mmm Yummy Muffin Only 2 Euro,” “Buy Another Cup You Cheapskate” and Our Favorite (and excuse for posting this) “BuyCoffeeforCuteGirlOverThere?

    I’m for any marketing idea that sells its product and fosters flirtation at the same time.

    Read more at DirectDaily: link