“I Can Transform Ya,” a Chris Brown hip hop hit, speaks of romantic devotion.

Chris Brown sings of financially and emotionally supporting a broke, but beautiful woman, naive to the power of sexual attraction, so that she can blossom into a glamourous strumpet.

THE CASE FOR REVISION

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to make out a lot of the lyrics because of their egregious grammatical and spelling errors.

I’ve gone ahead and taken care of some of them, hopefully making the whole thing a tinge more intelligible.

I purposefully selected a Chris Brown song for this article, though it is only one of the myriad grammatically-horrifying hip hop singles presently popular:

I didn’t want to pick on just any performer; I do enjoy a great deal of hip-hop music. But, Chris Brown being the domestically abusive swine that he is, decidedly earns a position as the butt of jokes.

And, apparently, this song’s inspiration was the movie, “Transformers.” How sweet.

Who knew Chris Brown was such a film buff?!

Anyhow, it’s time to make this masterpiece more or less grammatically correct!

THE OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO

If you’d like, you can listen to the original lyrics while reading along with the revisions below:

LYRICS EDITED FOR GRAMMAR AND SPELLING: I CAN TRANSFORM YOU

[Lil Wayne]
Hey Little mama,
I can transform you,
I can’t dance, but I can dance on you,
Swiss (Maybe means “switch?”) on the beats, Chris move your feet,
and baby I can transform you from into him and into me,
I can change your life, make it so new,
make you never want to turn back into your former self,
Ciroc and lime, give it a little time,
and she will transform like Optimus Prime,

[Chris Brown]
Do you need a car? I can give you a Range Rover.
How about money? I can give you some change.
You can drive and no longer have to be the passenger,
Is your swag (not clear on meaning of “swag”) low? I can build you up,
I’ll be both of your knees and keep you standing up.
I like your red lips and red dress because they are red like a fire truck.

What you need, you can have it.
My black card won’t be declined,
And I see potential in you,
That I’d like to mould.

I can transform you like I can make a transformer transform.
I can transform you,
I can transform you,
Anything that you want, i can get it for you,
You’re my baby girl, so you should’ve known I would do that for you,
I can trans, I can trans, I can transform you,

Shoes? you can have them (can have them)
Bags? you can have them (can have them),
cars? you can have them (can have them),
money? you can still it (have it),
I can transform you, I can transform you,
Anything you want, I can (i can) get it for you,

See me in the video you can have it really though,
iced out everything, like an eskimo,
If you want to fly, we can go anywhere you want to go,
Jimmy Choos in Italy, Louie V in Tokyo,

I’m something like Pinnochio,
if you lay down I will grow,
Would you like to see me grow big?
i can show you how the process goes,
I’ll take you from being an amateur to being a professional,
(I can have you swag surfing (?)– autotune)

What you need, you can have it.
My black card won’t be declined,
And I see potential in you,
That I’d like to mould.

[Chorus]

[Lil Wayne]
Ok,
I can transform you like a transformer,
I can turn you from a human to a Carter,
Take you off the bench and turn you into a starter,
Then take you home and put you on a charger,
Then (then) my cars transform into a charter,
and we can fly to the places you’ve always wanted to go,
hehe, I’ll take you somewhere that’s warmer,
then I have to rip off your dress like a warm up,
hehe, but I’m just getting warmed up,
so tell your man he better get his voltron up,
“I will transform her into a Ducati and then transform myself into a Bugatti,
because her body puts me into a trance,
When I transform into a smaller version of myself, she puts me inside her pants,
Switch on the Beat, Chris move your feet
and together, we can transform a good girl to a freak.

AN EDITOR’S NOTE

Note that while I’d love to fully edit this, it would take far too long. Thus, the above copy has only been proofread for spelling and grammar. Most of the original slang and misogyny has been left intact.

photo credit: kelvin255

The shadow visuals and created movement are dark and deliriously delightful complements to the  song. Intricately and beautifully directed by Tallie Maughan.

If, like us, you have the burning desire to rush out and hear more of his work, you can listen/buy this track and more at his website — click here.

• isnt enough prilosec if

A Christmas Dance-Party Lip Dub in Rockefeller Center that we think is the tops. So much exuberance! I love the looks from idle passerby. Happy Holidays!

Mariah Carey – “All I Want for Xmas is You”

from Pheasant Plucker on Vimeo

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How could we not feature it and its colorfully labeled video accompaniment? Enjoy.

Love Songs

from Chris ‘The Falcon’ Han on Vimeo.

Mp3 available here.

Full song list available after the jump.

the tracklist is:
Outkast – The Love Below
Tupac – California Love
Beyonce – Crazy in Love
The Game – Hate It or Love It
Maroon 5 – This Love
Talib Kweli – Never Been In Love
Wilco – I’m the Man Who Loves You
Crookers – Love to Edit
Keyshia Cole – Love
Air – Highschool Lover
Stevie Wonder – I Was Made to Love Her
MSTRKRFT – Easy Love
Huey Lewis and the News – Power of Love
The Emotions – Best of My Love
Alicia Keys – Teenage Love Affair
Brian Holland – Standing in the Shadows of Love
Death Cab for Cutie – Someday You Will Be Loved

Bon Iver – Skinny Love
Jay-Z – Heart of the City (Ain’t No Love)
Marvin Gaye – God Is Love
Masqueraders – Can’t Nobody Love Me Like You Do
Bloc Party – This Modern Love
The Delfonics – La La Means I Love You
Kanye West – Love Lockdown
Herold Melvin – The Love I lost
Daft Punk – Digital Love
Justin Timberlake – Like I Love You
John Legend – Used to Love U

Bright Eyes – Lover I Don’t Have to Love
Jose Gonzalez – Killing for Love
LCD Soundsystem – New York I Love You
Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You
Arcade Fire – Crown of Love