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Lose the Ruffles or Lose the Groom! 10 Ghastly Gowns to Pass Up

Let’s face it – when you walk down the aisle, you want your groom with his mouth agape, wondering how he got so lucky. The perfect gown is crucial for delivering that perfect moment, transforming you from a mere mortal into a sort of glowing super-bride.

And the best thing about it is that the groom doesn’t even get to witness this transformation because he’s traditionally not allowed to see the dress before the ceremony. You leave him in jeans and then return to him wearing the incredible super-dress and he’s just standing there like, “wow! I’m going to marry her?!” And you’ll just have a smile on your face as you’re walking down, thinking, “I’m marrying him…” but under that, you’ll be thinking “Yeah…I’m a magical, glowing super-bride…”

And that’s awesome. That’s what’s supposed to happen. In fact, most of the gowns out there are incredible super-dresses. Most. Don’t be the woman who gets carried away with the wrong super-bride fantasy and makes the groom experience a medley of emotions in the twenty seconds between when he sees you in that thing and when he has to vow his eternal devotion to you – it’s not kind. You don’t want to be skanky-bride, silly-bride, six-year-old-bride, or just-plain-scary-bride.

So, with that said, avoid these following (or anything closely resembling these) horrid fashion creations like the plague:

1. Here’s a gown I found that could easily be misconstrued as having a whimsical, sea goddess-type appeal, what with the giant starfish and all. But take it from me: the only preternatural quality you’ll have will be the result of showing up for your wedding with a giant star centered on your stomach, kind of reminding your loved ones of a Care Bear.

starfish wedding dress and tabletop
Creative Commons License photo credit: coco+kelley

2. Wear this gown and not only your love, but also all your guests (many of whom are relatives) will find themselves treated to an IMAX showing of your bosoms. On the other hand, this feature may prove helpful in drawing their attention away from the dress itself, which appears to be made out of a popcorn ceiling.

Video Genitallica

photo credit: molcatron

3. A gown this skimpy will mortify your beloved when you begin your walk down the aisle, leaving him to wait anxiously for the moment he’ll be able to whisper to you that you forgot to put your dress on. Meanwhile, the guests you pass by will be looking nervously at your backside, wondering whose gift you happened to sit on.

Photo Credit: dris

Creative Commons License photo credit: dris

4. If you want your wedding to seem like it’s straight out of a fairytale, don’t forget to model yourself after one of the more attractive fairy tale characters and wear a grotesque dress like this one. The magic will be in your consideration of the details, such as recognizing that since the 1960s never produced any noteworthy fairytale princesses, it’s unlikely that your groom will find anything enchanting or whimsical about such a discordant color combination. I think it’s a fair assessment that no Disney character would even be caught dead wearing this.

Photo credit: locket479

5. It’s very hard to get away with a wedding dress that isn’t some kind of milky tone, much less one in this bubblegum shade. Even if bubblegum pink happens to be your favorite color and makes you feel all giggly and feathery-light inside, it’s not worth your lover likening you to the six year old flower girl.

Photo credit: *lynne*

6. This particular gown illustrates two key criteria that every wedding gown should be measured against before it’s even remotely considered capable of dazzling the groom: i) Just about anything dominated by a giant bow is hideous; one definitely shouldn’t be on your dress. ii) Make sure you don’t blind your beloved by selecting a dress fashioned out of highly reflective material.

Photo credit: Häßliche Kleider

7. A wedding veil is traditionally worn to accentuate a bride’s modesty. Not surprisingly, your groom may fail to detect this virtuous quality in you if your headpiece is borrowed from an old nanny or French maid Halloween costume.

Photo credit: dno1967

8. If you’re looking to artistically express the many feelings your beloved inspires within you, you may wish to choose a medium that will do your work the most justice. Unfortunately, if you decide to wear your emotions on your gown, the paints may appear less like emotions to him and more like the aftermath of crashing into wet wall art.

Photo credit: Emory Co Photo

8. There’s nothing about this bold gown that will transform you into the personification of everlasting love and devotion always envisioned by your groom. Whether or not you look ravishing in it, your wedding may prove an inappropriate time to dress like a dancer from the Moulin Rouge.

dunikowski

9. Your groom is likely to have some fairly strange thoughts when he realizes that you, his life-partner, chose to wear a gown constructed entirely out of toilet paper; he’ll probably not be consumed with the feelings of romance and passion experienced by most grooms.  And just a quick thought: this would be one wedding where rain wouldn’t mean good luck for the bride.

jessica ann mills

10. This Valentino dress may convey a certain dreamy quality to you, if you’re a fashionista, but the odds are against your significant other’s appreciating it. From what I’ve gathered, extreme fashion tends to seem hyperbolic to most men, not attractive. If you were to walk down the aisle wearing this, you’re bound to launch your groom into a state of bewilderment.

Photo found on commons.wikimedia.org

11. Donning this dress may prove overstimulating to your beloved if he looks at it for too long. However, there’s a bright side to this overwrought and puffy garment: if you wear it, you’ll have no need for a purse; anything you might need can be used to fill your humongous sleeves, including two turkey legs, should you and your groom get hungry between vows.

Photo found on commons.wikimedia.org

Pucker Up, Furry Lips! 10 Animals That Love to Kiss

As it turns out, humans aren’t the only animals accustomed to planting kisses on one another. Check out the following photo compilation for ten different species who also get caught up in the moment!

1. Squirrels!

Photo credit: creativity+ http://www.funnypicturefunnyphoto.com/

Squirrels “kiss” as a way of identifying one another, sniffing his partner’s neck gland for a familiar scent.

2. Meerkats!

Photo Credit: creativecommons.org Foxtongue

In a group, meerkats often groom and “kiss” the faces of their alpha members, both after they’ve been scent-marked as subordinate, and when certain members return to the group after a brief separation.

3. African Gray Parrots!

psittacus erithacus
Creative Commons License photo credit: Joachim S. Müller

Many parrot breeds (including the African Gray Parrot above), “kiss” one another in the wild out of acceptance, affection, and/or attachment – sometimes this may include one parrot’s (all too generously) sharing its nearly-digested lunch with its partner.

4. Puffins!

Photo Credit: creativecommons.org Sarah and Iain

“Billing,” the technical term for puffin kissing, consists of two puffins rubbing their beaks together; it is typically performed when the two begin their courting. And because puffins are so community-oriented, it’s said that a couple engaging in billing is wont to attract an audience of puffin spectators around them!

5. Blue Vervets!

shmoochie poos
Creative Commons License photo credit: Swiv

Blue vervet monkeys “kiss” as part of a greeting – before play or grooming –  by touching their muzzles together.

6. Polar Bears!

Polar Love
Creative Commons License photo credit: hrhaahr

Polar bears may “kiss” one another to show affection, especially in the spirit of reconciliation.

7. Chimpanzees!

Photo courtesy of creativecommons.org Judee71

Observations of chimpanzees report that after a fight, members of this species make up by embracing and kissing one another!

8. Snails!

Love Is All Around
Creative Commons License photo credit: eskimo_jo

While mating, a snail caresses its partner’s antennae as an expression of emotion.

9. Cows!

cow kisses
Creative Commons License photo credit: orangebrompton

Cows will “kiss” one another for hours as a show of their affection.

10. Elephants!

Elephant Kiss
Creative Commons License photo credit: Clover_1

When two elephants meet, each “kisses” by affectionately sticking its trunk in the other elephant’s mouth.

Laughing at Love: 10 Quotes to Help You See the Silliness

DSC01307

Romantic love is a mysterious notion that has been contemplated by humankind for thousands of years, making mystified philosophers of us all.

Try as we might, we’ll never make sense of it – at least not for long, and never completely. Perhaps the best thing to do is just sit back, enjoy the ride, and do your utmost to hang on to your sense of humor.

To help you out, we’ve compiled a list of ten hilarious quotations by some of our favorite people. Each pertains to a different facet of love and relationships, reassuring you that no matter what state your love life is in – be it one of turmoil, passion, confusion, etc. – someone funnier than you has undoubtedly been there before:

  1. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
  2. All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems. – Shelley Winters
  3. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck
  4. To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down. – Woody Allen
  5. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. – Bill Maher
  6. My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading. – Steve Jobs
  7. Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. – George Burns
  8. What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked at the end of it. – Jerry Seinfeld
  9. I have no self-confidence. When girls say yes, I tell them to think it over. – Rodney Dangerfield
  10. Whenever I date a guy, I think, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” – Rita Rudner

Creative Commons License photo credit: Fenix_21

An Adorably Artsy Anniversary

This super cute anniversary-present/photo spread shows that creativity knows no bounds when it comes to expressing love.

Floral designer Cori Cook posed for these shots as a present for her 3rd anniversary.

The photos were taken by the supremely talented Nina Barry. Be sure to check out her other work on her blog as well as another version of the layout here! Hooray!

Old-Fashioned Romancing: Know Your Shakespeare!

Yürüyelim Seninle İstanbul'daSo, you want to sweep your Juliet off her feet and show her that behind your tough, virile exterior is a hopeless romantic. Fabulous!

You rummage through some mental notes and finally decide to melt her heart by reciting some tender poetry. Even More Fabulous!

But wait! Just because you can remember a few lines doesn’t mean you’re a regular minstrel. On the contrary, you’ll come across more pathetic than poetic if you rush into the thing without some consideration.

Here are some poetic guidelines to point you in the right direction so you’ll be a charismatic Casanova and not a dud Don Juan:

DO:

  • Put some thought into finding a piece that will send the right message – nothing depressing, or too sappy, clingy, or abstract; find something that fits your theme of classic romance. We recommend Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116, which regards eternal and unchanging love.
  • Rehearse in front of the mirror – nothing ruins the mood you’re trying to set like some of the ridiculous hand gestures and facial expressions people often use to help them get the words out.
  • Record yourself reciting the piece and then critique it – you’ll be able to catch and fix anything funky that you may not recognize by just practicing it normally.
  • Make sure it’s well-memorized – this is a given, hopefully.
  • Know your poem – the WORST thing you can do is not know what you’re talking about. Analyze the metaphors in it, read something about it, and for God’s sake, know who wrote it and how to pronounce his/her name!

DON’T:

  • Make it awkward – by this, I mean to refrain from doing any number of  awkward things while you’re reciting your love poem. These include: staring (especially at inappropriate anatomical parts), smiling like you’re drunk and sleepy (it’s not cute, nor does it make you look sensitive or friendly), nodding when you’re reciting lines that you feel to be particularly applicable to either her or your love for her, spitting, clapping for yourself when you’re through, etc.
  • Choose a bad time – you’ll want to make sure she’s not in a bad mood or doing something when you begin. And make sure other people aren’t around; this is just for her.
  • Wear something ugly – if she means something to you, you should show her by actually molding your hair into whatever shape you think looks best (with only a moderate amount of gel), showering, brushing your teeth, and wearing some nicer clothes. Don’t even think about wearing a costume of any sort or, on the other side of the spectrum, touching those Birkenstocks!
  • Use props – just don’t.
  • Say something stupid afterward – give the romantic gesture a second or two to sink in before you say anything. Let her speak first, if you don’t know what to say; don’t let your nerves take over and make you say something ridiculous like, “um…so now what?” in order to break the ice.

This kind of romantic gesture takes a lot of commitment. But hey, so does love, if you’re really in it. And, trust me, you don’t really want to forgo all the hard work and do a sloppy job – it would be really counterproductive for the apple of your eye to think back on your recitation and remark, “umm…he tried?”

Creative Commons License photo credit: adsoy

When Charlie Brown Meets T-Pain

An inventive mash-up of Charlie Brown and T-Pain’s “Kiss Kiss.” I love the dance breakdown at 1:50 – the Peanuts gang never looked so good.

Kiss Kiss Charlie Brown

The Kiss Hello

kisshello

photo and accompanying quote selection by: Michael Shane (michaelbshane.com)

Elaine: “What is the big deal about putting your lips on somebody’s face?”

Jerry: “It’s the obligation. You know, as soon as this person comes in, you know you have to do this. I mean, if you could, say, touch a breast as part of the kiss hello, then I think I could see the value in it a little better.”

Elaine: “How about an intercourse hello? How would that be?”