Over the years, I’ve frequently read the “Missed Connections” section of newspapers for entertainment purposes exclusively.
I loved to think about the tremendous coincidence it would have to be for one stranger who places an ad to actually expect some other particular stranger to not only read the “Missed Connections” section, but that particular ad in the “Missed Connections” section, of that one, specific newspaper, and recognize some vague description of him or herself.
Then, I actually was skimming the “Missed Connections” section of craigslist and I came across a description that could have fit me.
My heart started beating rapidly – not because I was excited about the prospect of having a secret admirer, but because the ad was obviously written by a creepy person that I definitely would not want secretly admiring me.
Happily, I read on and realized that I hadn’t been in the store this guy frequents in quite some time and that I don’t own a pink hoodie.
But the whole thing got me thinking about the woman who had missed that connection and how lucky she really should consider herself.
Then, I thought about a good amount of the missed connections I’d read over the years, and I realized that most of them have been pretty bizarre, creepy, or just kind of odd and desperate-sounding.
Though I still find “Missed Connections” fairly amusing, I’ve had the realisation that kind of odd and creepy people actually walk among us, notice us, wish they could see us again, and then write weird things like to us on Craig’s List.
Here’s a sample of ten “Missed Connections” ads posted on Craig’s List by presumably creepy/odd people:
1. Boulder main post office – m4w -41 (Boulder main post office [Colorado])
You: Mailing a box, tattoo on lower neck/between shoulder blades of an anime style bear (?) with blue stars, GIRL-brand backpack, some blue dye in your hair.
Me: short dark hair, black short-sleeved shirt, grey jeans, glasses, hadn’t shaved in a few days, a couple people behind you in line. I look more like 33.
No connection made…I tried to avoid staring… but if I could have borrowed a line from the cowboy in The Big Lebowski, I’d have said “I like your style, dude”!
2. How was your (frum) lunch? – m4w – 32 (Boro Park Brooklyn [New York])
Today. We were both eating lunch at………………
You ordered __________ and I couldnt help noticing how you were looking at me both while you were waiting for your order to arrive and while eating….. (So was I, looking at you, for that matter!!)
How about we continue punching on our blackberrys, only, this time, i will have your number…..:.)
Fill in the blanks above, tell me what you ordered, and where this took place.
I can’t wait to hear from you.
3. Greenwich – Stop & Shop – m4w – 43 (post rd [New York City, New York])
I saw you today at the Stop & shop, it was lunch time for me. You sat outside the entry to stop & shop, you were smoking & YOU were SMOKING!! I saw you again later at the DD down the hill. Your eyes were captivating. Tell me your eye & hair color & what color pants I was wearing so we know we’re on the right path.
4. holy flagged post batman, wtf – w4m rlington t stop, and mista j – w4m [Boston, Massachusetts]
look, i am looking for you j. i look for you everyday on the train, at your stop, in the city. i look for you online and you are never there. the suspense is killing me
5. The open mic stand up was not so good – m4w – 19 (Oakley & Armitage [Chicago, Illinois])
I apologize for my poor conversational skills. I wish I had asked your name. We were sitting up front, which was a little awkward being so close to the stage. I guess that I never really had a good chance to ask your name, considering that I was asked to leave. Let me know if by chance you’re reading this.
6. Ralph’s on Beverly and Doheny Sunday night – w4m – 25 (West Hollywood/Beverly Hills [California])
I always wonder if anyone actually reads these things! This is so sad but worth a try just because I keep thinking about your pecs!
You were wearing a black hat and t-shirt, I was the black chick in a red jacket. You looked kinda mean and kinda depressed-which was damn hot! I intentionally ran into you in the store like 3 times only to get “sorry” from you and that’s about it. You ended up in line behind me and still we didn’t talk. I kept looking back at you-thought you were looking at me too but maybe you were just wondering why the hell I kept staring at you! All the same stuff in your cart I would have bought normally! (sigh)
7. I just fix a leak for you!!! – m4w (nova [Northern Virginia])
I just fix a leak you have and you proposse some nice and delisioso fun time so Im here for you just waithing for your call any time love to be with you! call me please call
8. I still miss your crazy nice ass – m4w – w4m [Denver, Colorado]
9. hey gorgeous, we met at o’hare a/p, wanna get to know you! – w4m – 47 (denver [Colorado])
hey gorgeous, we met last nite i was heading for ” blank” and you to denver!! i asked you if you knew what time it was… i think i’m in love with you! please write me back and so i know it’s you, tell me when you first spotted me, you asked if it was a chicago or “blank” … i answered “chicago”. i never – EVER do this – but i can’t get you outa my head!!
10. Holly at OK cafe – m4w – 27 (not from here [Atlanta, Georgia])
You were my waitress a week ago…I called you a beautiful Georgia peach and believe I even proposed prior to my departure. Don’t have high hopes, but if you see this say Hello.